Steady…steady…I try to steady my breathing…each breath burning down my throat, trying to find the sweet relief I’ve been longing for. We hear the first bomb clash with the ground, the earth trembles below my knees, it shares my same anxiety. We wait for the obnoxious dog call to summon us to attack like the wild beasts we were trained to embody, to perfect and display on command. We are nothing but emotionless puppets on strings all controlled by the same maniacal puppet master. “FORWARD!” he calls, it’s time for the mass to attack the enemy, I never thought I would be so frightened to be staring death in the face. We all climb out of our trenches and set foot on the Hell land. We rush forward, instructed not to look back. My comrades fall to their doom all around me, falling down one by one ever so peacefully…I glance to my left, I see a smirk on one of their faces as he plummets down, he mouths out his last words, my strongest memory, “I’m free..” I drop to my knees…”what am I doing? What’s my purpose..”

“Help…” a feeble voice whimpered out, I look past my tears. And there they were, the rotting corpse of the enemy. How could I have brought myself to such calamity? This is not me…this is nowhere near my nature. I never wanted to be here. This isn’t my calling. But again my thoughts were intruded by the staccato of the rifles aimed at my team. I keep running, each bullet and bombshell slowed down in speed. Screams echo all around me, ripping apart my unstable mentality. My eyes dance around the scenery of battle…my comrades have all fled back to the safety of our trenches but I..I keep running. I can’t stop…but why am I still running? Could I be running away from the life of a soldier? Or running to prove my worthiness. My legs keep moving faster and faster. I detest violence, I detest hate but I’m still here. I approach the other side without a sign of hesitation. I drop my weapons and every shred of protection I bore upon my body. “Keep running” I tell myself. My heart beat accelerates and my phobias fly away with the wind. I hear one last bomb…it’s overwhelming power blowing me away.

I feel blood trickling down my arms…stinging coming from my legs. My eyes are filled with tears and my entire body aches. I hear a feint voice in the background and I support my body on my forearm, open my eyes and I analyze the environment.

The sun beams down on my face bringing upon the morning and an alarm sets off by my head.

Yet another night wasted on desolate thoughts.

Patience

Within me

I hold the soul of a long forsaken entity.

It lingers amongst the hidden aspirations of my chaotic state of mind.

I call out hoping to touch that of which I've lost,

but only clutch the vast emptiness left behind.

I fall to my knees and tremble,

the deprivation of life, that sweet poison,

thickens the air I breathe and I fight for one last breath.

Panic crawls beneath my skin, and soon it all ends.

I awaken to mist lightly falling upon my skin,

it's your guidance and love which lifts me upon the balls of my feet,

I'm bruised and torn,

yet I find solace in your vacancy and I patiently wait for your return.

My admiration for you always seems to grow deeper,

so I sit and wait…

I'll wait.

Relinquo

It's been a while now, and those flowers of yours are starting to wilt...the pictures that hang portraying our past joys, nothing but a Utopian perplexity. I lay here in the darkest caverns of our long forsaken aspirations. I still look back to the days which our youth was new and radiant. You, my dearest friend, was always so pessimistic, sulking in the midst of your mind, hoping for an opportunity to grab you by the hand, and draw your destiny...but, that time never seemed to arrive, but still you hoped with every ounce of your heart, you didn't want to lose ambition, not now, not at this time, not with all worries and complications beating down on your heart, knocking you short of breath. Steady...I'm right by your side. Steady...you'll soon vanquish the demons that decay your contentment. Without my knowing, I repeat these words aloud, praying that wherever you are, you will receive the message. I glance over to my hands which hold your precious flowers, the once lively carnations, which, as time passes, allows gravity to invade their being, commanding them to face down, as if their longing to find their way to the underworld. I dare not lay my eyes upon my complexion, for it brings painful memories of yourself. i rustle the dry red carnation petals between my thumb and index finger. With hardly any pressure, they turn to dust under my overpowering hand. I now realize your fascination with this plant...it resembles your character so well. When caressed with loving hands, you'd bloom, filled with love, but once touched with taunting ones, taints the walls of your soul. This is exactly what occurred to you, and somehow I wished I was there to prevent it. The one time I wasn't present, those lovely walls we built together, started to cave in. I cannot lie, but we both allowed it to happen, to grow and deteriorate what we lived for, our pathway to Hell began when we least expected it, when we were the most vulnerable.